Social media can be a dangerous thing. It can tell a
compelling story that lacks detail, or show a beautiful piece of art,
neglecting the shadows in the background. Social media is wonderful, because we
can stay in touch with people we care about but cannot see or talk with
frequently. It can be dangerous if that is the only way those people know us.
It is so one dimensional.
So let's try an experiment in transparency.
I am not the perfect woman, friend, daughter, sister,
leader, or grad student. Honestly, I am a perfect mess right now. I have large amounts
of credit card debt and student loans that I will be paying for the rest of my
life. I deal with anxiety and job stress on a daily basis, which often results in
indigestion, hair loss, or migraines. I question myself, doubting if my
abilities align with my sense of calling, or if I understand my sense of
calling at all. I feel guilty about not being available enough for my friends,
but resent too many demands on my all too little time. I struggle to overcome
my controlling nature, and my "leadership qualities" (aka
bossiness) often lands me in hot water. I am impatient, ungentle, discouraged, and
tired.
....
I could just leave it there. I clearly don't have it all
together, so maybe the point is that my messiness should encourage you, (“hey,
at least I’m not sporting bald spots like that Graybill girl!”). Or maybe, just
maybe, I should talk a little less about me, and a little bit more about those
who are responsible for the best I have to offer. You see, my ungraciousness
has been worn away by those friends whose gentleness shines from them like
spring sunshine. My bossiness has been refined to actual leadership skills
because of the guidance and example of supervisors, mentors, and bosses, who
each took time to invest in who I was and who I am becoming. My self-absorption
and roller-coaster emotions have been buffered and caressed into a more genuine
nature by the unconditional and unfathomable love of my mom. My arrogance has
been humbled by the wisdom of my dad, and my rudeness quenched by the grace of
my brother. My irresponsibility has experienced accountability in the generous
figures of my grandparents, and my anxiety quelled by the prayers of my best
friend.
Ultimately, substantially, I owe any of the good I do or
grace I exhibit to who I believe God is, and how I allow my God to work
on and through me. That is the point I am oh-so-clumsily trying to make. I am
not perfect; I am not even remarkable. I am very, very human. But each day that
I grow to be a little bit more like the Jesus I love, I consider to be a good
day. And each of those days I owe entirely to God and to the amazing people He
has put in my life.
So to each of you, to those I owe my grand life and never
thank enough, “thank you”. Stay amazing.
And to each of you who feel like perfect messes today too, I highly suggest taking a walk in the wild. There is something incredibly healing about feeling totally accepted and at home in nature. Give it a try, I dare you. Just don't forget to come home again. Tomorrow is a brand new day.
