Dear World,Hello, it's me again, asking another question. WHY IN THE WORLD IS IT SO WRONG TO WANT TO STAY SINGLE FOREVER???? The correct answer should be - "it's not. If God called you to be celibate, great! You're probably going to be able to focus more on the Lord this way anyway". Yes, thank you.
Unfortunately, that is not the response I get...ever. More often than not, I get the blank, half-panicked stare and shudder of discomfort, as the dumbfounded individual stutters, "b-but, you are too pretty to not get married!" Really? That was the best response? Like, God only calls really ugly people to celibacy? Sigh.
Celibacy is a choice, not a disease.
This has been a subject that has been on my mind a lot lately, what with everyone and their brother getting married and having a half-dozen kids or so. I discovered that my life had turned a corner, when, at a reunion of some old girlfriends back in Lancaster, our main topics of conversation were husbands and who was pregnant this time. Now please don't misunderstand me, I loved it. I really enjoy hearing about my friends and their lives, and what is important to them is most certainly important to me. The part I dislike is the almost inevitable awkwardness that comes when it dawns on whoever I am talking with, that I have no clue "how frustrating it is to have burned my new husband's mashed potatoes, when his mother makes perfect meals all the time," or "if wanting to eat pickles dipped in peanut butter was normal during the first trimester", or best of all, "if everyone thought sex was a little weird and maybe, just maybe, slightly overrated". Yeah. That's my life. And I wouldn't mind a bit, except for the awkwardness that arises when people don't know what to do with me. Like, when I come to a wedding, and inevitably get stuck at the "single and dateless" table at the reception, generally with a bunch of giggling teenagers. Or at church, where everything I say is translated into "I just haven't found the right guy yet", even if what I'm saying is, "no really, I think God has called me to a life of celibacy".
I am grateful for how my family are supportive of me in this, however. They trust that my heart is after the Lord and His will for my life, and that if He really wants me to get married, then He will change my heart. A few years ago, my mom told me that she knew that I would probably never be "a Lancaster County farm wife", barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and all that, and that was okay. (Although I do often wander about barefoot, including in the kitchen). I am not less of a person because I am choosing to live a different life, and it doesn't mean that I value that life less. No way, you better believe I'll be relaxing in my friends' kitchens, playing with their munchkins and enjoying a cup of tea and some homemade bread! I love Lancaster farm life with all my heart, it's just not where God is calling me right now.
So I will continue holding onto Paul's teaching, that it is actually better to remain as I am (yes seriously, check out 1 Cor. 7), because when I am unmarried, I secure undistracted devotion to God. Yup, it is just the Lord and I. And you know what...I could never be more loved, protected, or fulfilled. Barefoot and pregnant? No, but married to the Creator of the universe and the Lover of my soul? Yes please!
