Thank You for Letting Me Go...

"Only know you love her when you let her go...and you let her go." (Let Her Go, by Passenger.)

As I spend my first evening of the weekend before my first grad school finals packing my room and suitcases for the next crazy adventure, (France here I come!), I am surprised at some of the things that come to floating to mind along with dust and wisps of lint. Chief among these unexpected thoughts are the memories of those relationships with friends and family that have changed or ended over the years. At one time I was so afraid of this very thing happening, and would hang on with both arms and legs to the relationship despite the kicking and screaming of circumstance. Yet looking back, it occurs to me that I owe a very real debt of gratitude to the people who came and went in my life.

You see, they had courage to love me for a time, and a love courageous enough to let me go.

This is an incredibly hard concept to grasp. I continue to allow memories reside in my heart and mind, whose unresolved voices whisper "why?", "what did you do wrong?", and "why couldn't they love you enough to stay?".

And in truth, some relationships end because of a foolish blunder or selfish misstep on the part of one or both persons, but the easy majority of these seasonal relationships in my life came to a close because they needed to. Because in order to grow, we needed to be pruned.

Pruning hurts. When fruit trees are pruned they bleed sap out of their raw wounds, in an attempt to heal themselves and cover the scars. But the following season, it is these trees that underwent such pain that produce the most glorious fruit.

So while I may from time to time wistfully think back to family members that I never seem to see anymore, boys that married other girls and started other families, or friends that I miss hearing from and relating to, I realize it is because of each of these people that I am myself in this moment.

So thank you. "Thank you", to the family members that realized new wings need space to spread. "Thank you", to the boy who broke my heart and told me my dreams were too big for him to follow. And "thank you", to the friends who recognized the fork in the road.

And "thank you" to those friends who continue to impact my life today. Those friends that Shakespeare describes as someone who "knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow."

You have each been such an integral part of my journey. I wouldn't change any of it. Not even the painful stuff; not even the pruning. Because of those seasons, I am pursuing my dreams and continuing to grow into the woman that God has created me to be.

Thank you. Thank you for letting me go.