Well, I showed up today in a less than positive mood anyway. I had done some research and found that the scientific community has largely found that annual examinations are unnecessary for someone in my situation, and yet the medical community continues to require them for continuation of services. Now, I do really like my doctor. She is funny, kind, and very genuine, and she did tell me that it was my right to refuse a pelvic examination. [She clarified that it was my right to refuse any examination, but that she would not give me a prescription without at least a "general" examination.] Anyone else feel the pressure? Yeah, I did. In a big way.
So I showed up, refused the pelvic exam, had my vitals charted, and underwent a very short and painless breast examination. 15 minutes in-and-out of the examination room. Prescription updated. Boom.
So why did I sit in my car and cry afterwards? It was stupid really, I mean, it was the shortest clinical visit I've ever had. I chatted with a doctor I like and it was completely painless - what was my issue? My mom hit the nail on the head when she asked gently if I felt upset because I felt powerless. Because that was it, completely. While I trust this doctor and in no way felt weird about her, I did not feel like I had a choice about when and how I was poked and prodded. Sure, I could have walked away, but I would have been without very important medication. Sure, I could have found another doctor, but that would have taken weeks to set up an appointment, and I would have had to undergo a pelvic exam at a new office anyway. If I wanted my prescription, I had to sit in a paper gown and be poked and prodded. That's just how it was.
I went about my day normally, but I felt off. No one should have to feel like this. I feel like this, and I was touched appropriately, by a doctor, and with my consent. So my frustration with the health care system aside, I think this situation really just brought to the surface deep feelings about the value of the female voice and an individual's right to self-determination. [If you are concerned that I am about to address this from a feminist perspective, damn straight. Put the kettle on.]
For thousands of years and from culture to culture, women have been poked and prodded, told when and where to go, told what to do and who to see. From covering heads and ankles in the Middle East to waxing and tanning in the United States. From military assignments that may never see combat but will see sexual harassment, to religious institutions that value the nurturing instinct of women but not their God-given leadership abilities. From wage gaps to "normal" groping on the bus, assertiveness seen as bitchiness, reservation as weakness, and an intolerance for the subjugation of half of the human race as "radicalism", I am so tired. And I am so not okay with any of it.
Did I take my rather generic experience today and run with it? Absolutely. Was I in any way harmed by my appointment today? Not at all. Is this an opportunity to realize an emotion that is a common reality for millions of people around the world? I hope so.
I'm not sure what to do with these thoughts and experiences, so I write. I hope that each of you, male and female, take your experiences, thoughts, and emotions, and use them as fuel to change this fragile world for the better. We, as women in particular, need to begin living the reality of the world we want to leave for our daughters. Anaïs Nin wrote, “How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?” And I believe this is true. We have many partners who will gladly join hands with us, fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, children and friends. I believe that many are willing, and even eager for change. For something greater. For the beauty of humanity for which we were created.
How will you use your story to begin the change?
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